The “Nation” vs. the “Empire”

I grew up in Boston. Naturally, I am a Red Sox fan. I don’t wish there were more of us. In fact, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Being a member of Red Sox Nation is HARD! I have grown accustomed to false hopes, disappointment, heart-wrenching pennant races, and shattered dreams. There was one glorious year when we went all the way (and it was one of the best times of my life) – but that is definitely the exception to the rule. Face it, the Red Sox usually find a way to lose.

 Even this year, having the best record in baseball, having swept the Angels to advance to the ALCS, and looking forward to home-field advantage, I still have cold sweats at night worrying about the games that are to come. The Yankees were down 0-2 to the Indians, but I have no doubt they are capable of taking that series. And if they manage that, there’s no guarantee we can stop them. In fact, when it comes to the Evil Empire, I usually have nothing BUT doubts. Something about that Yankee team gets into our heads and we cease to function as a winning baseball team. We become a bunch of bumbling idiots, incapable of scoring runs or playing effective defense. It’s pathetic, really. And it scares me.

 And so, going into tonight’s game 2-1, the Yankees will do their best to assure that my dreams are shattered yet again. They will likely rake the outfield with the Indians’ carcasses, complete the series with a win in Cleveland, and then march towards Boston, much like Sherman marched towards the sea. And I will be a nervous wreck the entire time. There’s only one October!

The Ex Factor

As I was looking through photo albums on my computer last night, I came across two pictures that took me a little off guard. They are of a woman I have never met, but have thought about many times. And she is the only other woman my husband ever seriously considered marrying. The dreaded ex.

Oh, the stories I could tell here! It’s not that I hold a grudge against her or anything, but I’m pretty sure I could take her in a street fight. There’s no reason to be jealous, since I am the one who gets to come home to my amazing husband each night, but I can’t help but resent the fact that she will always be a part of his life.

But when I stop to think about it, I am grateful for that part she played. The experiences shared between the two of them helped to make my husband who he is today. And I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

So thank you, Ex Girlfriend.

Child’s Play

 

This week I am in North Carolina visiting my older sister. She just had her fourth baby a few weeks ago and I thought I’d come out to lend her a hand. As it turns out, she probably needs to borrow several hands. I don’t know how she does it! I’ve been here for two days and am already totally exhausted.

Don’t get me wrong – I love kids. I want to have children of my own (some day). But I have a hard time comprehending how it is possible to take care of the needs of so many little people at the same time. She’s got an infant who needs to nurse every 2 hours or so, a toddler who is a screaming terror, a preschooler who still messes her pants every couple of days, and a grade schooler who is too smart for his own good. All of them wake up at an un-Godly hour every morning and manage to have enough energy to power a small town until they go to sleep at night…IF they go to sleep at night. And in the hours in between, their favorite activities include crying, jumping, biting, kicking, teasing, peeing, and eating.  It’s all a little overwhelming.

And so, my hat goes off to all the mothers of the world. I think that this, the greatest responsiblity in the world, should receive more attention and accolades. Let’s spend less time discussing which stars are in rehab this week or who might be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. Instead, let us celebrate the brave women who, day in and day out, wipe tears and noses (and bums), cut up hot dogs, wash dirty clothes, kiss scraped knees, and nurture the future of our world.

Gone Fishin’

I’ve been craving sushi lately. And not just any sushi - Happy Sumo sushi. If you live in Utah, you’ve probably heard of Happy Sumo. Whether or not you’ve taken out a second mortgage on your house to be able to afford to go to dinner there might be another story.

To me, this craving is totally unfair. I spent 15 months in Hong Kong, where a plate full of sushi is cheaper than a Big Mac at the local McDonalds (which is still cheaper than here in the states, by the way). In Hong Kong, city streets are lined with sushi bars consisting of bar stools surrounding conveyor belts. You simply take a seat at the counter, and when you see something you like, you grab the plate. At the end of the meal, they simply add up the number of plates. Each thick piece of fresh tuna or salmon or eel costs about $0.25 USD. Pretty good deal, if you ask me. And a great place to become addicted to sushi.

 Then there’s Happy Sumo. My personal favorite on the menu, the Vegas Roll, costs $10.50 USD. Granted, it is enough for a full meal for me, but it is a far cry from the streets of Hong Kong. It is also full of beautiful waitress/models in a sophisticated, hip atmosphere – complete with private booths full of classy patrons. It is a great place for a romantic dinner, if you don’t mind dropping a week’s wages.

That said, I have yet to find any other sushi I like here in Utah. There is simply a shortage of fresh fish here – being in the middle of a desert doesn’t help, I’m sure. And so I will simply have to ignore my cravings. Or hock my wedding ring at the local pawn shop and head over to Happy Sumo.

Pyramid Mania

It seems as though someone approaches my husband at least once a week to join a multi-level marketing, or pyramid, scheme (MLM). Now, I know Brian is great with people and very persuasive – I mean, he got me to marry him just five months after we met – but what exactly makes these people assume that he wants to join in the scam? (I realize my use of the word scam here may offend those of you trying to get rich quick, but come on people, that’s what it is.) What is it that prompts people Brian worked with years ago – and hasn’t seen since – to call him and act like they are old friends?

One word: DESPERATION. In order for an individual to make any money in one of these organizations, he must have multiple people signed up and making money under him. For example, an MLM here in Utah called Young Living offers a $2000 bonus at the executive level. However, in order to get to the executive level, you must have 216 producing members signed up under you. Goji Juice, the most recent company to contact Brian, requires you to get three people to listen to the script – and sign up – before you join the ranks. This is the story with pyramid schemes: you must harass everyone you know in order to make any money. And in the process you become “that guy.”

If you have ever known anyone in an MLM, you know “that guy.” He calls out of the blue, pretends to want to catch up or shoot the breeze, and then WHAM! He tries to get you to sign your life away to him. If he is good, you don’t even see it coming. But those without the ability to treat you like nothing more than a money-making machine are destined to failure. And that is what I find most disturbing about this whole MLM idea. Friends and family members become nothing more than stepping stones to a fortune most will never reach. But they sure alienate a lot of people in their attempts.

By the way, have you heard about this great new product? It will only take a few minutes of your time….

Universal Health Care

DISCLAIMER *I realize that, compared to many people with no health care in this country, I have little to complain about. But this is my blog, dang it, and I will complain if I want to!*

It all started in June when I went for my yearly “female exam.” I chose a doctor at random from the list provided by SelectHealth.org and made an appointment. While I have never enjoyed the standard pelvic exam, this was nothing out of the ordinary and I left the office feeling only mildly violated and happy that it was over. I figured that was it until next year.

Wrong. A week or two later, on a beautiful Saturday morning, I went to the mailbox to get the mail. Inside was a letter from my doctor’s office. I assumed it was a check for $10, as I had over-estimated my co-pay and was awaiting a refund. But instead of money inside, I found a letter stating that my test had come back abnormal. They threw in the words “cancer,” “squamous intraepithelial lesion,” and “culposcopy,” along with the phone number of an OB-GYN. However, seeing as it was Saturday, there was no way to talk to anyone in the doctor’s office until at least Monday morning, leaving me the entire weekend to read bogus information on the Internet and worry that I was about to die.

 I got ahold of the doctor’s office first thing Monday morning and made an appointment for the ominous-sounding culposcopy. When the soonest they could get me in was two weeks away, I breathed a sigh of relief, assuming it was not life-threatening. By the time the appointment finally came, I had almost stopped worrying about it. Which turned out to be a mistake. I will spare you the details, but this was the most uncomfortable, frightening, violating procedure I have experienced in my life. I spent the entire time crying, wishing I had asked Brian to come with me, and trying to interpret the doctor’s grunts and mumbling. I’ve tried to block the experience from my memory.

Yesterday I decided I was ready to get the results. I called the office and asked for my doctor’s nurse. She was very pleasant – until I asked for my results over the phone. She said that I would have to make an appointment to sit down with the doctor, which would mean another $25 co-pay. I told her I would rather just know whether or not there is anything to worry about, especially since I am going out of town next week. She absolutely refused to tell me anything, insisting that my health should be worth the co-pay. My only problem with this is that I would have the pay the $25 whether or not anything is wrong with me. In my frustration, I told her to have my doctor send me my results in a letter and hung up.

Does this seem wrong to anyone else? Should I have to pay $25 and take up an appointment that could be used for someone who really needs to see the doctor, just to get the results of my own lab work? It seems to me that this is just one more way for health care providers to squeeze money out of their patients. And I won’t fall for it. I suppose my next step is to find a new OB-GYN. Anyone seen the Yellow Pages?